Tech Bros, in Heaven

Tech Bros in Love
Original reskin of meme by TheMoxie

Dude, what do you think about these convolutional neural networks we’ve switched over to? They’re rocking it right?

Totally! Throughput is through the roof, the clients are loving it, and now that we’ve got it set up we basically sit back and let it do all the work! I know Peter is fucking loving it – you been seeing all the shit he’s been posting!?

Oh my god – who knew that dude liked to party! Since he’s not standing at the gates for like a zillion hours a day he’s really cutting loose – I don’t think he’s been home for like 10 days! Dude owes us big time.

Bro, that dude should be sending some of all that Dom he’s been slamming our way.

Bro, booze is for little brains; he can send some of those cuties this way! Instead I’m sittin here arguing deep q networks vs deep belief networks with you.

Whatever dude, you know once we go public we’re going to be swimming in it – you think Zuck worries about what Peter is up to? We are going to be drowning in cuties!

I can not wait for that FU money, bay-be! We’re going to be so rich it’s gonna be sick! We’ve got both camps over here using our AI, and I’m pretty sure we can convince a bunch of the other players to adopt our tech.

Sorry to interrupt your wank-fest gentlemen – but since you basically live here you guys mind if I empty the trash cans?

Shouldn’t be much in there – we’ve totally been doing a dopamine fast man. You should try it. The body is a machine and you’ve gotta tune it, bro.

Red Bull and Soylent shakes, cool cool. I think I’ll leave the self-experimentation to you two masters of the universe. Oh, by the way, you guys know I’ve been cleaning up like 2 or 3 murders a day for the last month or so… well, gotta go.

Wtf was that bro, was the Janitor just dunking on you? Fuck told him we give a shit about his opinions?

Yeah dude, wtf – like, come in here and get the job done and don’t mouth off. We get it, you have no idea we just saved this place like a bajillion bucks in labor costs. Go back to pushing that broom and let the brains take care of shit.

I’ll tell you what, if I were running this place that dude would not be pushing broom anymore after mouthing off like that.

Fuckin’ A man. Fucking peasant. But also, wtf was he talking about murders? Is that supposed to happen up here?

No way man, no way – seems like a problem. I didn’t even know people could get murdered up here. Dude was probably just yanking our chain. Dur hur your AI sucks, dur hur.

Little Brains vs Big Brains
OG by Bil Simser

Naw bro, I just pulled up the stats. Dude was not lying. Some peeps went on a fucking rampage!


How the fuck would a murderer even get up here! That’s not the kind of user these guys are going after. The other camp, sure – that’s like their ideal user, but the Dude running this fucking place is not trying to attract that market segment.

Well fuck, our fucking AI is supposed to be keeping those fuckers out. What the fuck are we going to do! We gotta shut this thing down and get Peter back on that gate! We are fucked, bro!

Dude, move fast and break things. Who the fuck cares – so some fucking mooks got slaughtered, big whoop. The dude running this place doesn’t give a shit – dude fucking drowned an entire planet. You think he gives a fuck?

I guess, but what the fuck do we do? This is not a good look for us. I think we gotta refund the users some of the transaction fee we’re charging or something.

Fuck that weak shit. What we do is we fucking CRUNCH, fix this fucking AI, play it like it’s all part of the process and when we have our next client meeting we fucking brag about how hard we worked and how much we brought down the false positive rate. Clients love hearing how hard we work for them.

You’re a fucking evil genius, bro.

You fucking know it! Now let’s rail some adderall and bang out this code, bro.

Photo by Gavin Clarke

[WP] Control over the gates of Heaven and Hell have been handed over to an AI. For some reason, it keeps letting serial killers into Heaven. Prompt written by u/Nauthiz14

Permanent link to this article: https://storyluck.org/tech-bros-in-heaven/

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