Category Archive: Cory

Dec 10 2014

Taking my own Advice

Some regular readers (do we have regular readers?) may know that I occasionally consult a book called the I Ching. I do this by throwing sticks at a mat in a very complicated way. That’s not important right now. What’s important is that this month has been a big one for me, my life has …

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Nov 11 2014

URGENT BUSINESS MESSAGE

Good evening sirs and/or madams. I must deliver to you a pressing communique from a CLOSE PERSONAL FRIEND. My friend/associate goes by the name of TENNYSON GRINN, ESQ. Please find attached a photograph of the aforementioned: Tennyson Grinn is an imaginary person. BUT DO NOT LET THAT FOOL YOU. Tennyson Grinn may be imaginary, but …

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Oct 08 2014

Forced Disconnect

So when I’m going someplace, one of three things is usually true:

1) I’m traveling by myself and know exactly where I’m going.

2) I’m not going anywhere in particular, and don’t really care to.

3) I’m with someone else and have made them completely responsible for knowing where we are.

I have a hard time with uncertainty. And that’s why, a few years ago, it took a very special set of circumstances to make me ask a stranger for directions.

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Sep 10 2014

Mending Bridges

My first attempt at this task failed. I wanted to call an old friend in California, but he’s still not picking up his phone. From what I understand, he doesn’t pick up his phone no matter who’s calling. I think he’s writing a novel. Plan B was probably better anyway. There’s somebody close to me …

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Jul 28 2014

Moving On

Yes, yes, I know we were allowed to destroy sentimental objects in ways OTHER than setting them on fire. But from the moment I saw the task, I knew that for me, fire was the only way. Luckily a number of other people at the show felt the same way, so we agreed to meet …

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Jul 07 2014

Do Talk to Strangers

It’s difficult to find a context in which I can compliment strangers and they are okay with it. This is not the fault of the strangers. This is because I am a tall white dude, and compliments from tall white dudes historically come with ulterior motives. Generally, people who I compliment assume I want something …

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Jun 07 2014

What a Find!

I thought it’d be mean to just glue a coin somewhere. All that does is make people sad. So instead I used an un-gettable coin to put a person in a position to see something they COULD get: a flash drive in sealed container. It took me a long time to decide what to put …

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Sep 01 2013

Hearing Voices, Cory’s Version

This month’s task lends itself to a sort of wacky, jackass-style completion. But the title has all kinds of awesome religious implications. For both these reasons, I decided to do something a little different. Let’s start at the beginning. I have this tattoo on my left wrist: It only takes up about three square inches …

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Jul 28 2013

Cory’s Elevator Task: It’s Raining Men, and Those Men Are All George Washington

Pursuant to the assigned directive, my associates and I induced fiduciary precipitation in a dumbwaiter. In other words, me and my homies brought a stack of bills into an elevator and made it fuckin’ rain.

I’m not sure how we originally arrived at the idea (we being me and Miss Polly “The Uke-meister” Yukevich), but it appealed to us on a number of levels. One, it would definitely be unexpected. Two, a rain of dollar bills has the potential to really brighten someone’s day. Three, we really wanted to treat a bunch of business professionals like strippers.

PREPARATION:
We figured we should make it rain on a weekday, since that’s when most elevators in the Loop get the heaviest traffic. Ideally we were looking for a building tall enough and busy enough to have an express elevator, so that the skipped floors would give us more time to do our thing. We figured fifty dollars would be enough to achieve the desired effect. Aside from that, we needed business clothes (for disguise) and a portable speaker (for blasting dance music in the elevator). During our practice runs in Polly’s apartment, we also determined that it’s hard to make it rain effectively unless you are standing on some kind of elevated structure, such as a bar at a strip club or – in our case – a plastic crate.

This crate is also my bedside table. Highly practical in a variety of situations.

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